Father’s Daughter

Good days and bad days. Everyone has them, and recently I’d say mine have been leaning towards bad. It’s the middle of summer and I feel like I should be happy and excited about life but earnestly it’s felt more like a drag. Going from job to job, trying to manage an online class, my health, and still making time for friends and family has been difficult to juggle. I think I’ve spent more time in my car than I ever have, constantly running from place to place, always in a hurry. Although currently I feel that there isn’t much I can change about my circumstances, what I’ve concluded from my alone time car reflections is that I can change my attitude.

The past few days I have felt heavy, burdened by to-do’s, shattered wishes, and transparently, still working through grief. Upset with life feeling unfair and holding tightly to obligation, my attitude has been grumpy and discontented. This summer I have learned what it’s like to work 40 hours a week, and some. I’ve tried to make time for myself and prioritize going to the gym, however that requires sacrifice. Getting up at 5am just to get home at 11pm after a 40 minute drive home from my part time job is not ideal, but a choice I still choose. As much as I put up working all the time as an excuse for not being able to hang out with my friends, I discovered I’ve been gripping my pride at the same time. Yes, working a lot and having a busy schedule can be a ‘flex’ if you will, but as much as I use it as an excuse, I secretly hide behind being busy knowing dang well that I’m discontented by my lack of time. Despite being aware of knowing I’ve overextended myself, I still don’t feel as of now that I have a lot of power over changing my circumstances. However, I have taken this summer as a learning lesson. It’s okay not to make everything about your schedule and what you can and can’t do. Life isn’t all about money either. Money is nice, but it doesn’t replace time. As I have been lugging around my attempt to secretly hide my sour attitude, I’m always humbled by those who know me best. This morning I got a text from my dad saying that I remind him of himself. Whenever we get anxious or frustrated,

we get grumpy…

You might too, but just because that’s our natural disposition, doesn’t mean we must become slaved to staying grumpy. As my dad saw his own grumpiness reflected back today, I was having a great start to my morning at work. Although there are many days I find myself dragging, this morning I wanted to hang onto the joy that I found chatting with my coworkers and listening to Zach Bryan in our office. Simple things yes, but still mood altering. Every day we could find a million things to be upset about. Especially when our toes keep getting stepped on and life isn’t going how we wish it would, our moods keep getting worse. Work is unavoidable for most people. But how to face it? Mindset. My mom always warns me against letting the drag of work and a pounding life full of demands sweep you under. Joy can be fought for despite discontentment and grumpiness. Don’t be a slave to staying grumpy, and be confident in saying no sometimes. Many of my car reflections remind me of the same lessons I keep on having to re-learn.

Yes, I may not be ‘happy’ that I have to work my 8-4 today, head to the restaurant after for a shift, go home and study for my trigonometry exam, or that I had to wake up early to get to the gym this morning. And I might start becoming more like my dad, but I’m going to let my outlook be on the fun convos at work, my lunch break (ofc), the blue sky, the rush of a restaurant, comedic servers, greetings from my chocolate lab, the ability to learn, and my cozy bed.

Joy

—————

Grumpiness

Your choice

Not sure how to end this besides that was a rant I’ve built up in my head, and I hope maybe this was even decently encouraging to you.

Oh, and happy almost 4th. America is the best.

That’s it!

Best,

Meg